Lots of changes

Saturday I had decided I wasn't getting out of my pajamas nor was I leaving my house. I was just too sad about all the change going on in my life. Then Becky called. Then I talked to Monica. Then I had an unexpectedly fabulous day.

I know what you're thinking, "Amy's getting married. Why is she sad?" I read online today that 88% of brides-to-be experience difficult feelings after becoming engaged. So I guess that would make me normal...What a relief, right?

Everyone who knows me knows that I'm practically the mascot for this little town I live in. I love it here. Absolutely. Love. It. Then there's that other pesky fact about me. I've only lived in two places my entire 30 years - two! I didn't even live away from home while attending college. My overwhelming feelings of sadness lately have nothing to do with Joe but everything to do with me. I have much anxiety about moving, finding a new church, a new job, navigating a big and strange city and being farther away than usual from most of my friends and family. It's all enough to send me into a panic.

For me, being single has always defined who I am. No, I didn't always want it that way but for most of my life that's how it's been. Even for most of my relationship with Joe, we've had a long-distance relationship. And even though I was part of a couple, I was still on my own most of the time. For the eight years I've lived here, I've done everything on my own. I've always felt very proud of my independence. I have a well-crafted routine. What happens when that changes? Does this mean I may not be eating chocolate for dinner anymore? Or watching bad reality television at my every whim? Or *gulp* consulting with someone else about finances and schedules?

I know that my heart is with Joe. That's where I want to be. That is the part I don't want to be misconstrued. What I don't know is how to navigate all the change with self-confidence and ease.